there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
