i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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