I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
