Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
