I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
