it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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