Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
