FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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