if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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