PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
