So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
