So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you had me at cake vodka
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
