The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
