i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This is the high leading the old right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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