How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
