hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
