Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
