What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
