This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
