I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
