im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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