every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
