How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
