thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
