i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
