Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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