pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
