If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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