Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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