I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
