so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
