My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
