What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
