My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
