wrigley field is MILF paradise
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
