"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
