I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
