I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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