he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
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