Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
