At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
