i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
