oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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