Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
