u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
