Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
