She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
