i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
