3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
