Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
