his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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