Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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